Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.

When you become senile, you won't know it.

The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet.

Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.

We must find the time to stop and thank the people who make a difference in our lives.

Insults are pouring down on me as thick as hail.

Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional.

The only victories which leave no regret are those which are gained over ignorance.

Words that defy reality are ominous. And it’s ominous reality that confronts those who would obscure the wise and worthy.

I don't think any day is worth living without thinking about what you're going to eat next at all times.

Happiness is not the absence of problems, it's the ability to deal with them.

A man must properly pay the fiddler. In my case it so happened that a whole symphony orchestra had to be subsidized.

Nothing travels faster than the speed of light, with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.