The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

Getting a tattoo would probably make me cry.

I never eat in a restaurant that's over a hundred feet off the ground and won't stand still.

Health food makes me sick.

I never did very well in math - I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally.

Canadians are very well behaved, they don't throw their food.

Wars damage the civilian society as much as they damage the enemy. Soldiers never get over it.

An optimist is a man who has never had much experience.

I never did very well in math - I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally.

The longer I live the more beautiful life becomes.

Chastity: the most unnatural of the sexual perversions.

I was once thrown out of a mental hospital for depressing the other patients.

Over every mountain, there is a path, although it may not be seen from the valley.

Every anarchist is a baffled dictator.

There are times when parenthood seems nothing more than feeding the hand that bites you.