Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for movie stars.

An income tax form is like a laundry list -- either way you lose your shirt.

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

The main difference between men and women is that men are lunatics and women are idiots.

In order to become the master, the politician poses as the servant.

Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery.

There is no perfection only life.

Early to rise and early to bed Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

Man has two great spiritual needs. One is for forgiveness. The other is for goodness.

Limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns it calls me on and on across the universe.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down.