Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for movie stars.

An income tax form is like a laundry list -- either way you lose your shirt.

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.

Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

Change your thoughts and you change your world.

None is richer than he who simply has peace of mind.

I am prepared for the worst, but hope for the best.

Indeed, there is an eloquence in true enthusiasm that is not to be doubted.

The discovery of America was the occasion of the greatest outburst of cruelty and reckless greed known in history.

Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.

I once knew a chap who had a system of just hanging the baby on the clothes line to dry and he was greatly admired by his fellow citizens for having discovered a wonderful innovation on changing a diaper.

I'm more disturbed when people expect me to be serious.

Travel makes one modest. You see what a tiny place you occupy in the world.