Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy

The desire to get married is a basic and primal instinct in women. It's followed by another basic and primal instinct: the desire to be single again.

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

I have made a lot of mistakes falling in love, and regretted most of them, but never the potatoes that went with them.

Summer bachelors like summer breezes, are never as cool as they pretend to be.

When I buy a new book, I always read the last page first, that way in case I die before I finish, I know how it ends. That, my friend, is a dark side.

I would've loved to have been in a band, but sadly I just wasn't good enough.

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.

Success is a journey, not a destination. The doing is often more important than the outcome.

I'm not afraid of death because I don't believe in it. It's just getting out of one car, and into another.

Stupidity is an elemental force for which no earthquake is a match.

I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.

So little time, so little to do.

To light a candle is to cast a shadow...

Men are not the enemy, but the fellow victims. The real enemy is women's denigration of themselves.