Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.

The truth is rarely pure and never simple.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

Romance should never begin with sentiment. It should begin with science and end with a settlement.

Rich bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.

Anybody can be good in the country. There are no temptations there.

I am the only person in the world I should like to know thoroughly.

Yes: I am a dreamer. For a dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.

Conscience and cowardice are really the same thing. Conscience is the trade-name of the firm.

Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.

Journalism justifies its own existence by the great Darwinian principle of the survival of the vulgarist.

The only possible form of exercise is to talk, not to walk.

What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

I am not young enough to know everything.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.

Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.

The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.

I can resist anything except temptation.

The basis of optimism is sheer terror.

Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.

Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them.

I must decline your invitation owing to a subsequent engagement.

Philosophy teaches us to bear with equanimity the misfortunes of others.

Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.

Philanthropy is the refuge of rich people who wish to annoy their fellow creatures.

Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.

Religion is the fashionable substitute for belief.

Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.

Everyone who is incapable of learning has taken to teaching.

Scandal is gossip made tedious by morality.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.

It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.

The advantage of the emotions is that they lead us astray.

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.

My advice to you is get married: If you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.

A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd.

If you only read the books that everyone else is reading, you can only think what everyone else is thinking.

Shine your soul with the same egoless humility as the rainbow and no matter where you go in this world or the next, love will find you, attend you, and Bless you.

Do I want to be a hero to my son? No. I would like to be a very real human being. That's hard enough.

Love never dies of starvation, but often of indigestion.

Women don't take enough risks. Men are just 'foot on the gas pedal.' We're not going to close the achievement gap until we close the ambition gap.

Your past does not equal your future.